Sunday, November 27, 2005

What to do?

So I guess it's time for me to get my Master's Degree. I know I should have started this year, but I just have no freaking clue what I want to do. At all. Therefore I can't decide on a school. Any school would be wicked pleased to have Steerpikepie so I can get accepted anywhere really, but I would like to be a resident in the State I will go to school in first cuz it's cheaper so I need to decide where the hell I want to go. Also, I would like to not have to work a crazy amount of hours just to pay my rent, so it would be nice to have a school in an area that isn't killer $$$.

But I have no clue what I want to do. No fucking clue. I am brilliant in so many ways, and interested in tons of things but nothing is really jumping out at me.

Anyone who knows me better than I know myself want to chime in on what it is you could see me doing?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Some People's Kids!!

Are just so lame! I mean, it takes absolutely no creativity to flame someone personally, in fact to do so means that they have PLAYED you to the point where you are taking internet discussions WAY TOO SERIOUSLY!

Why on earth people get so upset that they want to punch people in the face and shit over INTERNET debates is mind-boggling to me. What do these people say about their friends as soon as their other friends leave the room in RL?

What nasty cold lives they must lead! I mean, really! Men and nasty is so passe. Try, be creative just don't make a lame site, link it to the site you are flaming so anyone can read it, and then flame and trash the posters outright in some self-satisfied orgy of explitives punctuated with self-righteous mutual masturbation.

Be creative for X's sake!

For example, to find the link to the really lame site, you must go to an old site, a site Trouble will remember, a brilliant, funny, cool site. There is a reason for this, if only a few people reading this get it, all the better. :) But I thought it was funny to showcase their utter lameness in the equisite setting of our blinding brilliance.

In closing, LOL!

Happy Thanksgiving!

At this time I would like to take a moment to relfect upon all the things I have to be thankful for this year.

First I would like to thank Jesus for always being here for me and for being so cool to hang with and for making such great tacos. You da G, X man. Fo real.

I am thankful for being Steerpikepie, handsome Steerpikepie, intelligent Steerpikepie, witty Steerpikepie, charming Steerpikepie, sexy Steerpikepie, funny Steerpikepie, just an all 'round wonderful and perfect person. I'm sure I will figure prominently in the Thanksgiving prayers of many, today. I'm just that great.

I am thankful that Shoelimpy the Bigfoot ate way too much candy last night while he surfed porn and is now very, very sick. Therefore there may be turkey enough for all tonight, without garbage guts inhaling everything but the bones, and then cracking the bones and sucking the marrow out. I keep telling him bones aren't twinkies but he doesn't speak English very well and just sits there smiling at me with his vacant idiot smile full of chunky drool.

I am thankful for being a Viking. Vikings are cool and so am I. Being a Viking, Thanksgiving is a very special holiday for me, as it falls on the day of the Feast of Thor. On this day my ancestors would boil the babes of Xian captives in their mother's milk, and the roast them over an open fire on the Fjords with the sun rising through the blood smoke...oh the undescribable beauty haunts my other memories bringing to my dreams the olden days of hunting the Irish along the cliffs of Dover! I must remember to make an offering to Thor today, I think the Target down the street sells baby Xian shaped Peeps.

I am thankful for the smell of roasting turkey today, and for all the thanksgiving things we Americans do on this day, varied and many customed as we are. Football is a good thing. As is beer. Tomorrow the Aggies get their asses handed to them by UT and it will make me laugh to see their "cheerleaders" grabbing their balls to feel the pain of the players as they get WHOOPed by the Longhorns. :)

Lastly, I am thankful for G.W. Bush, the right hand of Jesus, used as a sword and also to flip the tortillas, the bestest most greatest man to ever live.

Now I would like to offer virtual grace for all you heathens reading this:

God is great
God is good
Let us thank Him
For our fuud.
Jesus Christ, Let's Eat!!!!!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Why I Love Jesus, by Steerpikepie

Steerpikepie loves Jesus very much because He is a very nice God. He allows me to sin and then repent and therefore I don't even need to try to be a good boy. Jesus is also not a very threatening God and it's easy to beat Him up and kill Him if He gets out of line. I used to think His Dad was tuff but I think He must have died in the olden days before Jesus or else He would have been pretty pissed at us for killing Him. I mean He destroyed the earth before over nothing compared to what we did to the X man.

He is not a very good warrior God though. My Viking side has way better Gods than Jesus in that regard. Thor is pretty cool, as is Odin and as for freedom with the captives, well who can pass up a nice roasted Xian baby, Irish or not? Plus I like baskets, they're pretty when filled with screaming burning criminals, kinda like Burning Man, but old school.

Steerpikepie is happy to merge his two heritages though, into his new version of Viking Xianity. In this version, Jesus is a great big muscly blonde man, (kinda like Steerpikepie) who goes around from town to town, getting drunk, rolling in woad and having many adventures (kinda like Steerpikepie).

All Hail Eris, great bitch Goddess of Sumeria, the Mother of Buddha the Fat who conquered China before accepting Baha'ullah as the true prophet of Allah.

Salaam A'lekum.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Yo Mama!

This is an article I wrote some time ago. I am reposting it here now because some people need to read it.

What many of you probably do not know is that I served in a swiftboat under Kerry during Nam. I feel that I can keep quiet no longer, when I know a truth, a truth so earth shattering that it could make the difference in the election Tuesday, it could make all the difference in the world.

I will tell my story here, among my good friends at ******. I feel safe here and comfortable and my therapist says I need to feel that way before I open myself to what I know will be a deluge of hate and rabid fury from the left.

You see, while stationed in the boat one Christmas, we, we....oh Hell, I'll just say it. Kerry decided he wanted to cross the border into Cambodia because he had heard of a mythical whorehouse just the other side called the Putang Bucket. He had heard of it God only knows where, but he had a mission, a personal mission, mythical putang. He told us stories, and God forgive us but we were young then, so young. We were in a strange land, far from home, and dammit, we trusted that bastard. We trusted him with our lives, and that night we decided to trust him with our peckers too.

So off we went, with Jefferson Starship playing on the radio, with the smell of mythical pussy almost in our noses, we were that close to the border already. I remember the faces most, the faces of my brothers, for that is what we were that day, brothers. We were going into certain danger, but Kerry was set on seeing for himself, the mythical Cambodian whore, PussyForYou. Ping-pong balls, Kerry said with a smile, and I can still in my memory see him standing there, the moonlight glinting off his teeth as he smiled and said, Ping-pong balls, son, Ping-pong balls.

We actually came within sight of the brothel, a huge wooden rambling structure built half out over the river. It was all lit up with tiny lights, and it looked to me like heaven. We could hear the siren calls of the whores, Hey Joe, Got Five Dollar??? And, Hey Joe, Got Chocolate??? My penis trembled in anticipation, but suddenly, so suddenly that I don't really remember it happening, I was in the water and we were being fired upon.

Kerry, that bastard, jumped in the water and started swimming for the whorehouse, screaming about PussyForYou and how he had five dollars!!!! I grabbed him, he turned and growled at me, Back in the boat you son of a bitch, the pussy is for me!!! He grabbed me and threw me in the boat and then as Charlie poured from the Putang Bucket in a screaming spurt of murderous jizm he realized that his dream of bagging a mythical Cambodian whore was dashed. He jumped back in the boat, yelling stuff about saving me and lets get out of here.

When we got back, he realized if he told where we were he would be divorced and court martialed before he could weasle his way out of it. So he lied. He said that we were five miles inside Nam when we were attacked. He forgot his own story once or twice and that is what makes me the maddest. I had to keep silent and virgin for far too long. He promised us pussy and gave us only lies. He needs to admit what happened that night.

We all do. I have been the first, may others follow my lead. God Bless America.

Steerpikepie is Famous!

It's true! Macgayver has dedicated an entire post on his blog recounting our entire conversation on another blog, editing the posts even to include comments which were not even directed at him!

Oh the joy of celebrity! I'm going to need to get some dark sunglasses so that the flash bulbs from the paparazzi don't burn my corneas.

Bet you think I'm sexy now, Trouble.


Sunday, November 20, 2005

Pussy Warhawks Piss Me the Fuck Off

I really hate assholes who sit around their nice houses, eating their wives' good home-cooking and surfing the net in their wives' panties who mouth off online about how they ALMOST signed up for the Iraq war because they believe in it sooooo much.

Well, Uncle Sam needs YOU to really sign up and put your freedoms where your mouth is! Defend your country and the freedom of those you love!

If you believe this is a good cause and you are a soldier who likes to bitch about the dems and preach how the Iraq invasion is a good thing, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET TO IRAQ.

Otherwise, you are just a neo-dem and you are contributing to the problem with your non-action.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

The War In Iraq

I didn't want to be political on this blog, but it seems to be en vogue so here is my view.

Why should I care if Bush wants to invade Iraq? He knows more about these things than me and he also has been CHOSEN (yes chosen put that in your pipe and smoke it) by God to lead America. Why would God chose someone who would do the wrong thing? O ye of little faith!

As for WMD, I dunno if they were there. I have heard they were convoyed out in great big huge trucks right before the invasion. So I guess now they are in Syria, and who needs a Syria with WMD? Not this world, that's for sure. But that's another topic.

I mean if you read the Joint Resolution it makes tons of sense. Al Qaeda was in Iraq and Iraq was a major sponsor of international terrorism. Bush invaded Iraq to defend America. Period, point blank.

Now all the hippies have their titties in an uproar. They like having their titties in an uproar. They like making big long pansy speeches about how Bush is evil and a liar and crap. Is Jesus evil too? Because Jesus has a right hand as well, and Bush sitteth upon it. Bush is held in the mighty right hand of Jesus, much in the way one holds a sword. What is the purpose of a Jesus sword? To cut of the heads of the infidels in mighty crusade.

A pissed off Jesus scares me, so for that reason alone I would support the war. But I also support the office of the President of the United States of America. Belittling that office should be considered treason when done so in a way which incites others to mock and scorn the leader of the best, most free country on earth. People who don't like it here for any reason should leave instead of bitching, they are free to do so. This isn't Cuba or China.

In closing, I am a Christian and an American and therefore support any war which furthers the agenda which will prompt the return of Christ.

Halleluja!! Praise the Lord!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Walking Around the House Nude

This is something I do all the time. There is nothing wrong with a human body, be it male or female, it is something to be celebrated. I do not understand why people have a problem with me being nude in my own home. I do everything nude, I'm even sitting here right now, naked as a j-bird, tying happily into my computer.

When guests come over I usually put on boxers. Sometimes shorts. Sometimes however, I do not. I love answering the door nude to Jehovah's Witnesses. I always invite them in, but they never take me up on my kind offer. Usually the women run away blushing like mad while the men stand there screaming about demons and stuff like that. They always sneak a peek at sneaky pete though. :)

I sunbathe nude in the yard. I barbeque nude. I water the lawn, play volleyball and badminton and wash my car, all in my yard, all in the nude. The lady next door says I'm a voyeur, but she's the one spying on me so that makes her the pervert. I'm just being Steerpikepie, the way God intended.

Does anyone else walk around their house nude? Got pics?

Friday, November 11, 2005

Trading Spouses

Since I'm already out of the closet with my love of reality TV, I just have to ask if anyone saw the episode this week. I LOVED it so much. That woman was obviously absolutely insane and she did wonders for the reputations of real Christians everywhere, as we can now offer her up as a representation of those who claim the title Christian while serving Satan.

Anyone watching that nutcase could see the little smile before she would begin a tirade, of course fatty didn't think we could. She pulled the whole stunt for two reasons:

1) She's utterly insane
2) She's mega fat

See, IMO she didn't want to read the letter on tv stating that she is getting the money for her gastric bypass surgery. She would rather piss on the name of Jesus and rip up the check. Her family looked stunned, the best part is when she accuses them of not praying for her and the eldest daughter said she did, every night. Then she apologized to her mother, and the mother says, You did come to my mind. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And her friend was in on the whole, we'll be tv God warriors against the dark-sided Satanists, thing. I LOVED it when the flake mum stated that she had made too much salad. Not one of those fatasses got the joke! LOLOLOLOL! Brilliant.

The flakes were funny too. I enjoyed when the new husband asked what education she had. She said, oh lots and stated she was going for a doctorate. To which he asked, did she have a masters? She, and he left the room. Hehehehe. And I mean, even I would have a bell or a gong to wake up sleeping hypnosis clients, she uses the feedback from her mike. Why she needed a mic I have no idea.

Hehehe. Remember when the fat mum started puking when new dad said there was a psychic on the radio show with them? HAHAHAHAHA! Take me to a Church!!

I hope they take her kids away. I really do. She needs to be locked up on meds. I hope she sells her intestines on Ebay after they cut her open like a deer and scoop them out, so she can eat as much as she wants and then shit it out before it digests.

Hehehehe. Who would think a woman that ugly would be so vain?

God Bless reality TV.

Monday, November 07, 2005


Steerpikepie sits quietly, perched in thought atop the spires of his crumbling empire. Hate, he thinks, I hate them all. Steerpikepie imagines their faces, their fat, bloated, contemptuous, laughing faces and his stomach clenches painfully. I'll show them, he promises to the wind that screams over stone and into his definant face, I'll show them all.

How to begin, he ponders evilly, we mustn't be obvious, my precious. We must bide our time, waiting, ever waiting in the cold, in the dark, in the outside, all alone and friendless in the cruel outside. Steerpikepie is good at waiting, good at plotting, good at never being allowed on the inside where it is warm and nice with good things to eat and nice soft beds to sleep upon. Steerpikepie is wretched, it is true, but Steerpikepie is ambitious........

Slowly a grin spreads across the haggard and ruined landscape that is Steerpikepie's face, Ohhh, he whispers to himself as if afraid to speak aloud the evil his mind has hatched, Ohhhh we shall soon see some changes around here, my precious, we soon shall....

He stands, silhouetted against the darkening sky like a forgotten scarecrow in a November field, he stands and smiles and with his hands in his pocketses, begins to whistle a happy tune.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Anyone can send flowers...

But no one will ever love you like Steerpikepie could.