Why I Love Jesus, by Steerpikepie

Steerpikepie loves Jesus very much because He is a very nice God. He allows me to sin and then repent and therefore I don't even need to try to be a good boy. Jesus is also not a very threatening God and it's easy to beat Him up and kill Him if He gets out of line. I used to think His Dad was tuff but I think He must have died in the olden days before Jesus or else He would have been pretty pissed at us for killing Him. I mean He destroyed the earth before over nothing compared to what we did to the X man.

He is not a very good warrior God though. My Viking side has way better Gods than Jesus in that regard. Thor is pretty cool, as is Odin and as for freedom with the captives, well who can pass up a nice roasted Xian baby, Irish or not? Plus I like baskets, they're pretty when filled with screaming burning criminals, kinda like Burning Man, but old school.

Steerpikepie is happy to merge his two heritages though, into his new version of Viking Xianity. In this version, Jesus is a great big muscly blonde man, (kinda like Steerpikepie) who goes around from town to town, getting drunk, rolling in woad and having many adventures (kinda like Steerpikepie).

All Hail Eris, great bitch Goddess of Sumeria, the Mother of Buddha the Fat who conquered China before accepting Baha'ullah as the true prophet of Allah.

Salaam A'lekum.